It needs a special effort to not only overshadow an appearance by Sylvester Stallone, but to ensure he is the runner-up in the ‘biggest ego of the night’ competition, yet Everton's Kevin Mirallas somehow achieved it.
As Stallone was summoned to rally Goodison Park on a grim Merseyside evening, Mirallas made himself one of The Expendables.
The Belgian winger was at the centre of what can only be described as a failed coup when two minutes before half-time of a dour stalemate with West Bromwich Albion, he defied club orders to assume penalty duties from Leighton Baines.
Team mates attempted an intervention - Steven Naismith among those insisting Mirallas surrender to Baines - but the midfielder had taken it upon himself to seize the moment. He had to score to justify his misguided revolution.
Instead, his spot kick shaved the post. It left Mirallas in need of a translator to explain what the phrase ‘in the doghouse’ means in Belgian.
As Baines shook his head wondering why, after 15 successful conversions and one miss, his team mate had the audacity to take the ball, manager Roberto Martinez looked on, betraying his thoughts with his half-time response. Mirallas did not appear after the interval and despite noble efforts to disguise his discontent, the Everton manager was in full Henry Kissinger mode when he claimed lack of fitness was behind the substitution.
You can only take the Spanish coach’s words at face value, but the admission he’d rather Baines had taken the penalty and Mirallas would not be anywhere near the next one somewhat undermined the defence.
One can only presume the scintillating performance Mirallas gave against West Ham in the FA Cup last week had given his ego a trip too far, presumably into another orbit.
“Despicable, unforgivable and a scandal,” was how Gary Neville described it from the punditry chair.
Mirallas’ Goodison future has been the subject of discussion recently, the player himself suggesting he would consider options at the end of the season. It was almost as if he wanted to make a point about his importance with his brat-ish behaviour here.
With Everton struggling for form and Premier League points, it was a public exhibition of insubordination Martinez and Everton could not afford, nor comprehend, and it transmitted to the stands.
There would be boos when Martinez replaced the popular Muhamed Besic twenty minutes from the end – also said to be due to injury – and further unrest when a torrid game was over, making the Premier League table as uncomfortable for the Merseyside side club as those just below.
Even Stallone, appearing on the giant video screen freshly bronzed in his mail order Everton jersey, could not fire up a dispirited crowd. When he appealed for the supporters to remain in their seats at half-time for a choreographed scene from the 151st movie of the Rocky franchise, it was as ill-timed as Mirallas’ miss.
The Evertonians would have preferred to see the star quality on the pitch.
Joleon Lescott, the former Everton defender, had offered the gift with a clumsy handball after Romelu Lukaku’s miscontrol and for sixty seconds it seemed Tony Pulis’ game plan had unravelled due to one unnecessary indiscretion.
That aside, West Brom looked comfortable in their defensive formation and the gravest concern for Martinez was how much this game played out like two sides fighting for relegation points.
The phrase ‘too good to go down’ is the most deceptive in football, not so much a backhanded compliment as a smack across the brow for teams deemed too talented for the drop.
Martinez’s side certainly come into that category, but after the promise against West Ham and Manchester City, this was an exhibition in lethargy and carelessness.
There was creativity and dynamism in flashes against City and at Upton Park, but they lacked poise and belief against a team that already has the Pulis stamp – resilient and, at its most effective, unbreachable.
Pulis is the Red Adair of the Premier League. He set up his side to mirror the successful formula of Crystal Palace, who not only extinguished relegation fears but Everton’s Champions League aspirations in this venue last April.
Saido Berahino vacated a central position, re-cast in the role of Yannick Bolasie for the evening, while Claudio Yacob was compared to Mile Jedinak.
Berahino did not look particularly comfortable in his new role, but in shadowing Seamus Coleman he was nullifying a wide threat.
Everton were restricted to shots from distance and whatever set-piece they were granted, but only on those rare occasions they were fortunate to get within 25 yards. Baines and Mirallas warmed Ben Foster’s gloves but never really tested him with first half efforts, and the penalty ought to have been the stroke of luck to open the game.
There was far more Everton urgency after the break, Martinez’s discontent surely aimed at more than Mirallas, but wherever a space appeared the white West Brom shirts followed.
With Everton tiring, the possibility of West Brom sneaking a victory increased but they offered as little in attack as their hosts.
Martinez may have more to say privately than in public about his rogue winger, but his broader concern will be where this leaves Everton’s season.
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